I was in a passionless pit, and I couldn't get out. No matter how hard I clawed at the walls and attempted to climb, the end result was the same. I would fall back down, bloody knuckled and broken hearted. Now before we go any further, I want to lay down the context of my short, passionless stint. I was not passionless in my relationship with God, I was not passionless about my marriage, or friendships. I was passionless about my job, pastoring. And that begs the question:
How can a pastor operate without passion?
How can a pastor help expand the kingdom of God - without any passion - when the essence of the gospel is passion? It was Christ's passionate love for humanity that gave Him the will to endure the burden of our sins and the pain of the cross. Therefore without Jesus's passion, there would be no gospel. Now I know what you are all thinking; that if I were truly passionate about my relationship with God, then this would not be an issue, and I would not feel passionless about ministry. But (as I already said) that was not the case, it was something much deeper. See, I've learned that you can at the same time be passionate about Jesus, and passionless about ministry. Which is a very difficult and confusing pit to be stuck in.
So I stayed stuck.
I was afraid, yet I was confident. I was afraid because I felt alone. I was confident because I knew that God called me to be a pastor. And at that moment, pastoring meant figuring a way out of the pit. So finally, I did the first thing that I thought to do when I realized I was stuck, but the last thing that I wanted to do to get unstuck. I cried out to God. For weeks. (I wonder how many people are passionlessly pastoring because they are too afraid to walk away and to proud to call out to God for help?) Finally, I felt God speak to my soul and He revealed to me a subtle mistake that I had made which caused me to lose my passion for ministry.
I shifted my focus,
which caused me to be internally out of balance. I shifted my focus from operating out of my passions to operating out of one of my mentor's passions. I tried to imitate his passion instead of being inspired by it. So I shifted my main focus from preaching to leadership. I thought this would help me because my mentor and I have similar giftings, but the problem is that we have different passions. So although leadership is one of my gifts, it is not what I am most passionate about. Your passions will always outweigh your gifts. And more importantly, your passions will always outweigh someone else's passions. The quickest way to burn yourself out is to focus less on your passions and more on someone else's. Or even more subtly, to shift your focus from what you are most passionate about, to something that you are less passionate about. When you do that, you dishonor the passion that God has given you and disrupt your internally balance, which will ultimately lead you into a pit. A passionless pit.
So learn from my mistakes before you find yourself in a pit. Don't try to imitate those who are successful in ministry, instead let their success inspire you. Let them inspire you to be you. Do what you are good at and God will bless it. If you love preaching, preach. If you love leading, lead. If you love building relationships, build relationships. God created you, called you, and equipped you. So focus on the gifts and passions that He has given you. I'm not saying to ignore the others, there are many components to a successful ministry. I'm saying, let what you're most passionate about be what drives your ministry. Thus, you will be honoring God by using what He has equipped you with.
Yet if you find yourself in a pit, drop your pride and cry out to God until He answers. He called you, so He will sustain you.
